Do I Want People to Like Me?

The head of the music department at Irvine Valley College (where I play bass in the Jazz Ensemble) sent the following email yesterday. "Colleagues, The 5th annual IVC Jazz Picnic was a smashing success. The band played better than they ever have for the picnic, the guest ensemble was terrific." This was a very encouraging word with only one exception...I didn't play for the concert! Because of Tina's college graduation, I had to miss the concert and the director found a sub for me. I'm pleased that the concert went well and I hope the reason they did so well was because they worked hard over the last few weeks of the semester. But the thought that nags me is that this is virtually the same band that played all year EXCEPT for me. Was the substitute bass player the reason they did so well? Was my absence a catalyst for their excellence? Or was this just a nice encouraging note to the band that would have read the same even if I had played? There's no way to know.

I've been reading a book by Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) and in the chapter I read yesterday, he answered an interview question about why he wrote his most recent book with the following statement, "I am broken... I like to write... but basically, subconsciously, I just want people to like me." Is that statement true of me? Do I play music because I want people to like me? I know I am broken...I like to play music...I want people to like my playing...if they like my playing does that mean they like me? I know I've often felt out of place around many of the musicians I play with. Most of them are professionals with experiences that only happen to me in my dreams. But I've always felt my life experience validates me and that I have experiences in work, home, family, faith, etc. that they may never have. So I try to make up for my lack of professional musical experience by trying to connect with people on a more relational level. I want people to accept me, to value me, because of who I am as a person and not hold my lack of musical professionalism against me. I guess I DO want people to like me.

After hearing Miller's response to his question, the interviewer leaned back in his chair, paused for a moment and said, "You aren't alone".